Friday the 13th (2009)

To say that the original Friday the 13th is one of the most important horror movies of all time is an understatement. When you look at the movie today, the influences it had on modern culture are far to obvious to ignore. It was the movie that took the original slasher idea and turned it into a staple of not just the horror genre, but of the movie industry. Nearly all of the cliches established in modern slasher films can be traced back to the original Friday and with good reason, it's a great film. It may not have the dramatic build and critical acclaim that movies like The Godfather and Citizen Kane have, but its surely just as important. Looking back on that film, its hard to figure out where the film industry went wrong.

There's nothing better than a bit of nostalgia in the late hours of the night. Its like the aroma of a really strong cup of coffee, it just inspires you. So sit there and take a whiff as I review the newly released remake / reboot of one of horror's most beloved franchises.

The idea of remaking movies is a touchy subject for me. To be honest, I don't think that anyone can be whole-heartedly for or against the concept. There are some movies in the past that really deserve to be remade, movies that relied on effects and shock factor in a time where the technology wasn't as capable, these movies are fair to be remade into modern blockbusters, but there's also movies that should just be left alone. Certain movies that are made should be worshipped by lovers of film, not rehashed by modern studios in an attempt to draw in new viewers for a watered down piece of shit copy. The horror genre is especially raped by this dastardly plight of the modern big studio system. If someone came up to me and told me that they were going to remake The Godfather, I might just punch them in the pancreas. The Godfather is a classic and should be (and is) treated like so. Then why isn't the horror genre extended this very same pleasure?

Nothing is sacred in the world of horror apparently. This modern trend of taking literal horror classics and remaking them for a new and modern audience has bothered me since it began in 2003 with the remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. While I have nothing against the remake itself, as I enjoyed it, that's quite like shitting on my sandwich. The original Massacre by Tobe Hooper was a fucking masterpiece of a horror film. Shot by amatuer film-makers on a low budget in the middle of the country, Massacre broke a lot of horror boundaries. It was a brutal film, even if it can be a bit hokey. However, somewhere in the world someone sitting atop some sort of mountain of money and babies decided that remaking the movie would be a great idea! (Michael Bay) The original is far too crappy right? So lets just take it and make a big budget adaptation that strips away a lot of the "charm" the original had in liue of name stars and cliche survivor girl antics! Little did they know they had just beheaded baby jesus.

Alas, what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to horror movies, there are certain stories you just shouldn't remake. We have icons too y'know? I mean, they even remade the fucking Shining. I know its an adaptation and all, and honestly its fair game, but c'mon! Did we need a second adaptation after Kubrick pretty much turned it into the greatest horror movie of all time? No. Remakes turn out to be big money and so with Texas in the bag, the rape of horror's biggest icons began! We soon got a remake of Halloween and a dozen Japanese horror films (do not get me started on that shit). Following them closely was Friday the 13th (I'll get to it I swear) and the planned Hellraiser and Nightmare on Elm Street remakes. God I hate the world.

Anyhow, I've gotten off track! I need to start my, ahem, short review of Friday the 13th! Now!

Friday the 13th is the 2009 reboot of the classic 80's slasher film series. Most of the original movies followed the same plot; Horny degenerate teenagers head off to Camp Crystal Lake for a weekend of sin only to be cut down by the monsterous Jason Voorhees in a path of revenge for some camp counselors letting him drown and killing his mother years earlier. Fun right? Well this movie is not really much different. At least that got that much right..

The movie follows Clay (Jared Padalecki) who is in search of his missing little sister, who has ventured off to Crystal lake in the (far too long) opening sequence. As he posts flyers in the small surrounding town area, Clay has a run in with the aforementioned (second) group of horny young people. After a cute little interaction between the two main boys, the group heads off to the camp and Clay off to the rest of the town. Of course, you know the rest. Clay ends up at the camp and is terrorized by the gigantic slasher monster that is Jason. Not really much to summarize, right?

The biggest draw to this reboot of the Friday series was the supposedly new take on the character of Jason Voorhees. Before, Jason was a half retarded tank of a zombie with supernatural strength and endurance all in line with an uncanny ability of being ressurected everytime the producers needed more money. In the reboot however, Jason is a bit different. Gone is the super human strength and the zombie backstory, instead, Jason Voorhees is literally a towering man with amazing stamina and a learning disability, at least thats how it looks. There's a bit of an inconsistancy in the way that Jason is portrayed within the movie. On one hand, the newly established Jason is a master of hunting and killing. He's got tunnels that allow him to spring up all over the camp, he's well versed in the entire landscape, and he's pretty fucking efficient with more than a dozen different methods of killin' them humans. On the other hand, this monstrous killing machine manages to slip up on the story's two main characters. He fails to kill one when the sap is at his mercy, and just plain lets the other live. What the fuck writer? Am I supposed to believe this shit?

While I have my problems with the portrayal of the Jason character in the movie and the actual concept of the remake itself, I did enjoy the film. New Line Cinema has managed to effectively bring the Jason character back to life for a new generation of horror fans and update it to appeal to them as well. I applaud the film-makers for not feeing us another piece of shit movie with nothing but cliches to round out the story. Sure, the cliches are still there: the token black guy, the sex, and the drugs; but there's other more inventive stuff as well. Like a token asian guy! But seriously, in a world where it's very easy to just let your characters be horror movie idiots, the makers of Friday decided against it. For the first time in a while, the characters in the film seem to react like real people. Sticking together, freaking out, and calling the fucking police.

Overall, I'd say that Friday the 13th is definitely a pretty good remake. While it lacks the feel and charm of the original films, the film presents an enjoyable watch and delivers more than its share of kills. I found the plot to be interesting for its slight changes in the formula, but I was disapointed in the lack of real gore and the un-menacing portrayal of Jason Voorhees, the slasher genre's biggest bad ass.

Overall score: C+